Well, it’s time

SONY DSCWell, after three nights of trying to get Pretired Boy to sleep until 11 pm, this news is less bittersweet than sweet.

But the big news is that tomorrow I’ll be getting a vasectomy. Sorry, Pretired Boy, no little brother or sister for you!

Before we welcomed our little guy, I always felt the right number of kids was ZERO. Or, if you feel you must reproduce, two. I’d seen way too many only children grow up to be self-important, attention-seeking know-it-alls. (Not all of them, mind you. Don’t jump on my ass, only children!)

Given my advanced age, we figured we’d have a second shortly after the first to complete our little family. Well, after Pretired Mama nearly died during childbirth and we were give a strict enforced waiting period, things changed. Pretired Boy is such an even-tempered, happy little guy that somehow we knew the second one would be a terror.

Which meant it was time for The. Snip. Not a decision to be taken lightly, for sure, but an easier decision now than 10 years ago. (The cat is rolling its eyes at me right now.)

I’ve always loved kids, but dreaded the responsibility. I never even had a pet because I wanted the freedom to pick up and go if I wanted. Now, after two years of late night soothings, the minute-by-minute roller coaster of emotions and obvious expense, the time has come.

We procrastinated awhile because I was hurrying to polish off the basement project for reasons I’ve mentioned here and a few others I haven’t yet mentioned. In the middle of that, I managed to get a hernia and I’m still recovering from THAT surgery. So it’s been a whirlwind the past several months to say the least.

But tomorrow is the big day.

My balls and I have always a good, healthy relationship. I give them what they need and try not to bang them around too much and in return they don’t cause too much fuss and generally let my brain do the thinking. It saddens me to hurt the guys, but hopefully it won’t be too bad for them. Sorry, guys!

Am I nervous? Oddly, not really. Just the normal back-of-mind worry that comes with any upcoming appointment. The logistics of getting there and managing a two-year-old have been a bigger concern than the actual surgery. I’m definitely less scared of the surgery than I am at the prospect of two more years of no sleep. It will be nice to have it in the rear-view mirror, though.

So we’ll be working on ways to keep Pretired Boy grounded and not smothered with parental attention. We’ll be utilizing other peoples’ kids as proxy siblings and will try to let him roam on his own as much as possible. We have our work cut out for us, but somehow I think less work than if we had another kid.

What do you think? Any advice for raising an only child? Am I making a terrible mistake? Anyone have a good vasectomy story they want to share? 

Want to be there when I get snipped?
Want to experience a real live vasectomy in real-time? Me neither! But join me anyway while I get snipped! I’ll be on Twitter tomorrow (11/1) live-tweeting my vasectomy! (As much as they’ll allow me, anyway.) Everything from my last lonely walk with my beloved scrotum to the final frozen peas-enhanced couch-lounging! Follow me at @PretiredNick or simply look for #nicksnip on Twitter. See you there! (I think)

Harleys are dumb

The dumbest possible means of transport is an annoying waste of money

Harleys are dumb

Harleys are dumb — period.

There is nothing quite as tranquil as the morning. A natural early riser, I haven’t used an alarm clock in well over a decade and in the summer, there’s nothing better than waking up to the sounds of chirping birds and the smell of newly awakened sunshine carried to my sleeping face on a fresh breeze through the open window.

I’m fortunate to live in one of the most beautiful neighborhoods in one of the most beautiful cities in the U.S. Just below my home lies a dock welcoming the residents of nearby little Vashon Island via ferry.

Quite a few residents drive across on the ferry each day, lining up on one end and then the other to make their way to Seattle and beyond for jobs that help them pay for their island lifestyle. To keep costs down and to save time, many commute via motorcycle (two-wheeled transport and walk-ons don’t have to wait in the sometimes very long car line). When the ferry arrives at the dock, all the motorcycles get off before the cars, heading off into town in one long line.

It’s a pretty smart approach if you’re going to live on the island: why not save yourself some time and cost by switching to two wheels (assuming you’re willing to accept the inherent danger). If I lived over there, I’d consider it myself.

But there are always a few douchebags that spoil things. These are, as you’ve no doubt guessed, the Harley-Davidson riders.

At 5:42 a.m. each weekday, I”m awoken by the annoying growl of the world’s most ridiculous motorcycles.

These sociopathic gas-powered noise machines are increasingly a frustrating fact of life in most urban and suburban areas these days. For some reason, law enforcement seems to ignore noise ordinances even as these obnoxious machines take enjoyment away from our peaceable existence.

No noise, no crazed following

During our recent vacation to Maui, we stayed in a condo that turned out to be on a road that was a little louder than expected. The normal road noise, however, was tolerable for an affordable vacation getaway. The Harleys, however, were completely intolerable. There was a Harley-Davidson rental shop nearby and tourists fly in from around the country for cosplay on rented bikes. They vroom-vroom all over the island, certainly having a great time, never realizing or caring how many vacations they’re ruining in the process.

Not unlike the jerks that think it’s hilarious to trash the environment just to piss off people who care about it, the whole POINT of riding a Harley is to annoy people with noise. Without the noise, is it really a Harley?

Being a responsible corporate organization, Harley wouldn’t produce a vehicle that blatantly scoffed at noise laws. It leaves the job to third-party manufacturers so you can customize your hog to be even more annoying. Yes, now you can not only annoy your close neighbors, but your entire community as well. Congratulations, you’re an ass.

Vrrooom — there goes your money

If annoying people with your racket is your thing, you still might want to rethink your choice of a Harley. If you’re choosing the two-wheel route for commuting reasons, there are better choices out there. Like any vehicle, you can always find a used one that’s already depreciated down to your comfort level, although a quick Google search makes it sound like there are maintenance issues with aging hogs (I’ll leave it to people who have owned them to confirm or deny that). Buying new is obviously foolish so we won’t even get into the price of new Harleys, although I also saw some complaining online about Harley flooding the market with cheap bikes, which is interesting.

Since Harley buyers purchased their rides for the noise and no other factor, it’s not surprising that things like fuel economy aren’t important at all. It shouldn’t be hard to find a bike that can get 60-70 mpg, which will help keep your commuting costs nice and low, but Harleys will be lucky to reliably get into the 50 mpg range. Now admittedly, that’s better than the 30ish you could expect from any sane car these days, but at least a car can be used for other things, giving you greater utility for your dollar.

Oh, and since you’re buying a machine strictly for image reasons, you’ll naturally want to be customizing that beast, right? Cha-ching again! Gotta have little leather saddlebags so people think you’re a legit Hell’s Angel member. Plus tassles and custom chrome pipes, right? Fancy spiral wheels, of course! And, naturally, you have to wear special little outfits so you can fit in with your fellow aging baby boomer bike riders (see below for more).

Harley riders live in fantasyland

My background is in marketing. One of the things we marketers always have to explain to nonmarketers is that branding isn’t the logo, the corporate colors, or the business processes. Those would be called branding elements. Your brand is the feeling that takes place inside your head. How you personally feel about McDonald’s is their brand to you, not the identifying golden arches. Big companies will spend big dollars putting statistics against how many people feel a certain way about a particular brand and then use advertising and strategic PR to reinforce or change those perceptions. You and your kids might have a completely different internal view of McDonald’s as well as a completely different reaction to the smell of their grease.

The Harley brand is all about how it makes riders feel about themselves. They throw a leg over the bike, rev up their obnoxious machine and imagine that all the world is in awe.

Have you ever had that experience at work where some condescending idiot is talking to you like YOU’RE the one who is dumb? If you’ve ever heard Sarah Palin talk you know what I’m talking about. That’s how I feel about Harley riders. If you happen upon a Harley rider in a parking lot and happen to look their way, you can almost read their mind. They’re sauntering toward their bike, soaking up your gaze, thinking “I’m a such a bad ass! I can feel that guy totally admiring me across the parking lot! I bet he’s super impressed by me. Maybe even scared of me. I am pretty tough. Yeah, me! Get yer motor runnnnnninnnn…“. Or something like that.

In reality, I’m thinking, “What a dork!” or “Isn’t that guy hot with all that leather on?” or “Wow, you can totally see that old guy’s tummy poking out of his vest.”

Because, let’s face it, Harleys are for old people. Nothing against old people, but is that really the look you’re going for? The last time I saw someone on a Harley look scary was probably 1978. And I think it was when I was watching CHiPs. (dooo-doo-do-do-doooo!)

Playing dress-up

Harleys are dumb -- playing dress-up

Let’s all play dress-up!

And what is up with these little costumes that Harley riders are apparently required to wear? I assume it’s required because I’ve never seen a Harley rider not wearing one. The color-coordinated little outfits are like little toddler dress up costumes. Leather chaps, vests and jackets. Bandannas — branded of course — tied ever so carefully over the balding pate.

When not on duty, these people maintain their look, sporting branded T-shirts and belt buckles.

Every tribe has its identifying plumage. Street gangs famously line up by colors (or at least used to). White collar workers sip their lattes in their Dockers. People who pretend to be modern cowboys wear giant cowboy hats and big belt buckles as if they’re just about to head out to the range to brand a steer. But is there any other group that so identifies itself by pasting a corporate logo all over itself as the Harley rider? I struggle to think of anything even close. Perhaps the girls who have the word “Juicy” on the butt of their sweat pants come close, but even that seems like a much smaller group.

It’s easy to take on the trappings of any subculture that interests you these days. Everything has gotten so corporatized that you can buy the look that makes you feel like what you’ve always wanted to be. Only thing is, everyone knows you’re just a poser. People are spending massive amounts of money to appear to fit into one group or another. Sure you might be an overweight laid-off computer programmer, but with a few swipes of your credit card, you’re a BIKER!

Look, I get that people love to drop disposable income on things that make them feel better about themselves. Since people screw themselves out of their pretirement in so many different ways, it may be unfair to insist that above all other vehicles Harleys are dumb. But when your single-purpose vehicle drains your money, makes you look ridiculous and annoys everyone else, we need to agree that Harleys are the dumbest possible means of getting around.

I’m not here to tell anyone how to live their life. I’m just one voice suggesting that maybe there’s another way. If you want to blow your money on toys, go for it. But, maybe pick a toy that doesn’t ruin life for everyone else in the process.

So what do you think? Have I convinced you Harleys are dumb? Even the dumbest possible means of transportation? 

Important post-script:

Harley-Davidson recently began showing off a prototype electric motorcycle. Should they actually begin selling these and displacing their nasty gas-powered inventory, I’ll take it all back. And I might even buy a Harley T-shirt. 

Is a basement apartment worth adding?

We have the opportunity add a basement apartment in our home. Does it make any sense?

basement apartment

Should we add a basement apartment in our house?

Longtime readers might recall that we kicked off a pretty significant basement remodel last year. We knew it was an inevitable future project, but we hadn’t wanted to start while we had such a little kid running around.

When my wife decided to change jobs, she ended up with some time off before starting the new job. An opportunity to have someone watch Pretired Baby while I smashed drywall was something that couldn’t be wasted. So I headed downstairs and grabbed my hammer.

As always, we underestimated how much time the project would take, mostly this time because we didn’t really figure in the time I’d have to keep things quiet for naptime. And because the scope kept expanding.

As we got deeper into the project, an idea that we’d talked about many times began to look increasingly realistic. The idea: add a basement apartment.

I talked quite awhile back about how we bought too much house when we moved here. We had specific things we were looking for and the size of the house wasn’t much of a consideration at the time. Although we love our house, I have to admit buying it was a significant mistake. A cheaper, more appropriately sized home would have been a smarter move. In fact, the extra amount we spent on this house is right about the same amount I currently need to declare myself officially pretired. Obviously if we were to downsize at some point (something that could still happen someday), I could declare myself financially free and be done with it. If we stay here, I will likely need to go back and bank a few more years of salary to put myself over the top.

Or is there another option? Could I downsize in-place? Let’s examine the situation.

  • Total house square footage: 2,500, split evenly upstairs and downstairs.
  • Upstairs layout: three bedrooms, one bathroom, dining room, kitchen. Bathroom is tiny.
  • Downstairs layout: One bathroom, which will be nicer than the upstairs bathroom when done, two bedrooms (One is tiny — only technically a bedroom, but would work for a kid. The other is currently planned as an office and has a fireplace in the room and no closet yet.)  There is an awkward entry area that would likely be a junk-collecting area and there is a large open room that would work nicely as a kitchen, but is currently planned as an exercise room. The laundry is also downstairs.
  • Our mortgage situation: Regular readers already know all about this, but the short story is I’ve paid off my portion of the mortgage to prepare for staying home with Pretired Baby. My wife now owes about $90,000 on her half, with about seven years until the loan matures. Her payment is around $1,500. Zillow puts the current value at $650,000. Appreciation was 11 percent and 14 percent the last two years, so if the market stays hot, we gain about $50,000 or so a year in value.
  • Other bills: Our core bills are around $1,600/month, so $800 each. We’ll call it $1,000 each to include some occasional splurges.
  • Potential rental income: We could easily get $800 for the space, potentially up to $1,000. While we’re daydreaming, it’s conceivable we could double that or even triple it if we went the VRBO route instead, although that would probably only be the high season, so likely we’d average back to the $1,000/month, especially once the extra tax and other expenses are considered.

That’s the big picture. So should we add a basement apartment or just finish up the space and enjoy it? I’m really not sure which way to go.

Yes, we should build a basement apartment:

  • More money is more money. Why wouldn’t we go get more since we’re already in mid-remodel anyway?
  • We’re not really using the space currently and things seem fine. We do have some things stored downstairs but that’d be a minor issue.
  • The extra money could essentially cover a nice chunk of our bills. If we brought in $1,000/month, we’d only need $500 each going forward. Appealing! And $1,000/month is about what my fourplex produced with a lot of hassle. This would be an easier way to get the same cashflow.

No, a basement apartment is a terrible idea:

  • Do we really want someone else living in our house? What if they’re nuts? We have a young child in the house. Is it safe?
  • There is extra work, so more scope creep. I’d have to run an additional drainline under the concrete floor. I’d also have to add laundry upstairs and while I sort of have a space for it, it’s awkward and would actually cause some storage issues.
  • Back to landlord hassles. I’ve really been enjoying not being a landlord the last few months. It’d really suck to go back.
  • We’d have to be considerate neighbors and keep the noise down. With a toddler running around and crying a few times every hour, that may not be possible. One of the best things about living in a house is that you can make lots of noise without annoying your neighbors.
  • Is $12,000 a year really worth it? We’re appreciating at four times that amount right now. I don’t mean to act like that’s pocket change, but in the grand scheme of things that amount of money doesn’t seem to compare favorably to the negatives.

As far as the extra works goes, the thing that scares me the most is adding laundry upstairs. Everything is possible, but the hassle and expense of that is off-putting. The biggest negative overall is just giving up part of our house — having a stranger around all the time. Maybe we’d get lucky and manage to rent to a busy airplane pilot who is gone all the time, but odds of that are slim. For $1,000/month, it just doesn’t seem worth it. If we were reliably bringing in $3,000/month or more, it’d be irresistibly doable.

But maybe I’m wrong. Small amounts of money do add up over time and this would greatly lower our overhead on a percentage basis. By effectively lowering my overhead to around $500/month, my existing pretirement fund would enough to cover all my bills, essentially rendering me essentially financially free without working another day of my life. (Naturally we probably wouldn’t want someone living in our house the rest of our lives, but presumably, we’d eventually sell and downsize so the rental phase would act as a bridge until the market ripened to where it became time to sell and move, at which time I’d have additional pretirement funds available.)

So on one hand, more work, more short-term expense and a major hit to our comfortable, private lives. On the other hand, I wouldn’t need to think about working ever again. Ever again. That sounds pretty sweet, too.

What do you think? We should add a basement apartment? What would you do? 

How to save money on vacation

Changing your mindset is the key to maximizing your vacation savings

how to save money on vacation

How to save money on vacation — change your mindset!

One of the hardest things about living in Seattle is that the winters can be long. The weeks between the day we win the Superbowl to when the tree pollen traps us indoors can be the longest, most depressing weeks of the year. Rainy season here (really more of a nonstop, grey drippiness than real rain) lasts from around late October until July 5 in a typical year.That’s why we usually plan a vacation to somewhere warm and sunny in late February or March. When we return, we’re usually safely into springtime and ready for a glorious Seattle summer.

We were particularly nervous this year because it was going to be our first trip traveling with a toddler. Would we be the embarrassed parents trying to quiet a screaming child? What if there was a major poop explosion? We packed SO many toys, loaded our iPads with movies and brought along enough food to keep the entire plane fed for a month. We were ready. We thought.

It started off well enough, Pretired Baby had a blast running around in the airport and was already looking tired by the time he got on the plane. He was fascinated by the magazines, the windows, the tray table and all the other people. About two hours in, though, he drank a bunch of milk and laid down on our laps and fell asleep. He slept for a blissful 40 minutes or so and we even took his picture because he was sleeping so sweetly. We couldn’t believe our luck.

Suddenly he awoke with a kind of coughing noise, tried to sit up and started puking ALL OVER Pretired Mama.

“Lean him forward!” I shouted and he puked some more. He’s only thrown up one other time in his whole life and that was such a small amount it barely counted. He was scared and obviously didn’t feel well. He began crying loudly. I called the flight attendant who brought bags and paper towels but there wasn’t much else we could do. We managed to clean him up and calm him as best we could. He was finally quiet and cuddly but still feeling sick. Time remaining: about three hours of hell. Uh oh.

Over the next three hours, he puked.

And puked.

And puked.

The faces of the most annoyed and angry people, frustrated at having a screaming baby on their flight, eventually softened to sympathy and finally open pity or even horror. It may have been the worst flight of their lives, but, hey, were THEY the ones covered in puke?

We let everyone else get off the plane and finally shuffled off the plane, carrying our luggage, a toddler and two large garbage bags full of puke-covered clothes and other items. Did I mention there was a lot of puke? OK, good.

We decided to stop by the urgent care on the way to our condo just in case and almost died on the way. Pretired Baby started puking while we were driving but since he was slightly leaned back in the car seat he was having trouble getting it out. I was sitting in the back seat with him and told my wife to quickly pull over so I could loosen his seat and lean him forward a little bit. She pulled over and I unbuckled the top clip and leaned him forward a little bit and caught the puke in my already covered shirt I’d removed at the airport — the last thing I had with me for collecting puke. My wife suddenly gasped and I turned my head to look out the back window. A car was coming toward us fast — in the shoulder and obviously not seeing us. It fortunately swerved back into the traffic lane at the last second. If it had hit us, at least two of us would have been killed and one of them would definitely have been Pretired Baby, in his car seat with the car seat clip unbuckled.

Anyway, crisis averted, we made it to the doctor (who had no idea what was wrong and just gave us advice for treating nausea and thought it might be altitude sickness) and finally to our condo. Pretired Baby had a rough evening, but he eventually fell asleep on me and slept all night. The next day took him awhile to bounce back, but the day after that he was fine — which is when I came down with the same bug. It took me down for a night and the better part of a day, after which vacation finally started. At least we knew it wasn’t altitude sickness then, which meant the flight home should be better.

Why it’s worth trying to save money on vacation

A plane trip like that is a good reminder that plane travel — even when everything goes great — is a horrible experience. Even the best trips are an endurance test while the worst trips leave you wondering why you spent good money on such misery.

Fortunately our trip was very inexpensive. We had plenty of miles for our plane tickets and Pretired Baby traveled free as a puking lap baby. The suckage that is airplane travel is actually lessened quite a bit by knowing it was free or close to it.

The other reason to try to save money on vacation is that it can be quite expensive. You already have lodging — although that can also be free or close to it as well — you have food costs, which can be quite a bit if you eat out throughout the trip, you might need a rental car and you’ll likely spend some money on some sort of activities once you get there as well. It all adds up. A small family taking just two trips a year could easily drop $10,000 or more just on travel — that’s almost half of our core operating costs for the year! If you want to keep that up while paying out of pocket for everything, you might need twice the pretirement fund you were aiming for.

How to save money on vacation: shift your mindset

Since I already mentioned that we traveled to Maui with miles, you’re probably assuming that I’m going to start talking about travel rewards cards, card churning and other strategies that others have written about much more eloquently than me.

And while I AM advocating using rewards credit cards, what I really want to explain is an important mindset shift that my family has recently undergone.

You see, we’ve traveled ALL OVER this lovely planet, generally paying very little for the tickets that got us there, thanks to having accumulated many airline points. But we could have spent even less.

Most people, I think, are like us. Yes, they have rewards cards and yes, they build up over time with normal usage. So when we think about taking a trip, we get most of the trip planned and then finally we’ll say “Hey, do we have enough miles to pay for that?” Sometimes the answer is no and we’ll pay out of pocket. More likely, though, we’ll be just a little short and we’ll buy a few miles to get us over the top.

So we’ve shifted our thinking completely. Instead of planning a trip and then seeing if we have any miles we can use, we are planning our trips first and STRATEGICALLY building up miles toward each trip. And the biggest key to that, beyond planning farther ahead than we normally would, is to focus on sign-up bonuses vs. earning points over time. The sign-up bonuses require a certain amount of spending in the first few months so it’s critical to pay attention to the details.

It’s worth getting help

Getting organized on strategic rewards credit card usage can help you save money on vacation, but it’s an overwhelming world of intentionally confusing marketing. That’s why I enlisted the help of my friend Brad from Richmond Savers to help me sort through this mess. Brad offers free travel rewards coaching. All he asks in return is you sign up through his affiliate links and he then gets a small commission from the credit card companies.

We started by doing some thinking about the trips we wanted to take over the next few years. Here’s what we’re thinking right now:

  • 2015: Hawaii again, but probably Kauai this time. I think we like it better. Its laid-back vibe fits our personalities better than Maui.
  • 2016: Disneyland. We’re planning a joint trip with my brother’s family. I guess it’s one of those trips that’s unavoidable when you have kids.
  • 2017: Scandinavia: I’ll be turning 50 (really?) so we want to go visit the motherland to celebrate.
  • 2018: Italy: My wife wants to go to Tuscany when she turns 40. If all goes well, we may also be celebrating her pretirement!

It is generally a good idea to start with the trip coming up the soonest so we’re focused on building up enough miles for next year’s trip to Kauai. The way we’re doing this is via the British Airways rewards card, which gives us 50,000 miles. My wife signed up first and I think we’ve already got enough spending on the card to receive our points. Next, I’ll be signing up for the same card and getting the same points.

Once we have those banked, we’ll move on to the next card in our plan and keep going until all our trips are covered. It actually looks like we can pretty much get ALL of our needed plane tickets for nearly free with just our normal spending. We also have some spending we need to do on the house this summer so we’re going to try to time that work with the new card signups to maximize our signup rewards.

On top of that, we should be able to leverage rewards to gain big discounts with Disneyland and we’re even looking at some strategies for getting free hotel stays in Europe when the time comes. While we would have probably gotten most of our plane travel free or greatly reduced with our other points programs, by planning ahead and targeting the card usage at specific trips is the key to maximizing our vacation savings.

Other ways to save money on vacation

So now that you’ve hopefully joined me on my mindset shift and are now targeting rewards credit card spending toward specific trips, I’ll also share some of my other favorite tips for saving money on vacation.

  • Consider VRBO rentals instead of traditional hotels. Obviously you can’t apply rewards points toward private vacation rentals, but if you’re not using points anyway, choose a vacation rental. We use VRBO for at least 80 percent of our trips these days. Mainly because these private homes are usually better set up for traveling with a child. There are usually separate rooms and full kitchens, etc. Even if you only eat in for breakfast and go out for all your other meals can add up to a lot of savings.
  • Book your hotel first. For some reason travelers OBSESS over airline costs. There must be some weird psychology going on where people just cannot handle paying $10 more than the person sitting next to them because people will go through all kinds of maneuvers to save a little bit on plane tickets. Meanwhile they’ll often overpay for hotels on the same trip and not give it a second thought. What you need to know is that there is NO cancellation fee for most hotel bookings but there almost always is for airline travel. You can reserve your hotel stay first and then start looking for airline deals. If you find you need to adjust your stay a little bit, go ahead and make the changes then call the hotel and change your reservation. Hotel prices also fluctuate quite a bit just like airline prices. But if you see a better deal on a hotel than the one you already have, you can simple call and get the same deal. (We have had to cancel and rebook before, but it’s never been a problem.)
  • And just for fun, one of the ways we saved a little bit on this trip was to utilize the local library. In Maui you can get a temporary library card for $10 so we were able to load up on books (they also rent DVDs) and keep Pretired Baby entertained without packing a bunch of heavy books or buying a bunch when we got there. They also had a free storytime for toddlers so he was able to go to that also for free. I do love libraries!

I’ll share some other tips for saving money on travel in the coming days, but in the meantime, what are some of your favorite tips for saving money on vacation? 

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