Fuck You, HP!

office-spaceExpiring ink? You’ve got to be kidding me!

Is Hewlett-Packard the world’s worst company? OK, no. Not as long as Monsanto exists, but still pretty bad.

I mean, look, here’s what I want: An inexpensive printer that, on those occasions when I need to print something, actually prints my document on a piece of paper. Is that too much to fucking ask? According to HP it is.

It’s bad enough that their printing software is absolute bug-filled CRAP. It’s absurd how many extra pieces of detritus it takes to achieve at long-last the prized correctly-printed page I crave. And it’s ridiculous that I have to wait through endless minutes of clicking and buzzing before this piece of shit printer finally decides it’s ready to print. Assuming of course, I didn’t have to just restart everything to reconnect the idiotic software to the system so it can decide to print out my one fucking sheet of paper. Oh and shall we talk about how I can’t print a document right now because it’s 10 p.m. so the stores are closed and it’s telling me the Yellow “does not have enough ink to ensure printer health.” Did you catch that? I can’t print a document in BLACK because it’s out of YELLOW. And can we talk about the ridiculous prices of these replacement cartridges? I fortunately don’t use my printer a ton so it’s not breaking the bank, but what a scam.

No, none of that brings HP even remotely close to being the world’s worst company. What brings them to the brink of absolute, unforgivable horribleness is this: expiring ink cartridges. EXPIRING INK CARTRIDGES? Are you kidding me? What. The. Fuck. Are we making ink cartridges out of bananas now?

These guys are essentially pumping petroleum out of the ground, shipping it across the world, making millions of little printer cartridges in a factory, shipping them to America and all over the country, where they are then sold, installed in printers, used a bit and then thrown away BEFORE THEY’VE EVEN BEEN FULLY USED so these fuckers can squeeze a little bit more profit out of their replenishment-based business model.

When I bought this printer several years ago, I did my best to seek out a printer that was mainstream enough that I could find an ink cartridge when I needed one and that didn’t require the most expensive cartridge replacement. I’m well aware the “money is in the blades” as they say, so I was as careful to not be suckered into buying a cheap printer or anything off-brand that would leave me hunting all over town for overpriced ink when I needed it. I settled on the HP C7280, which also included the scanner I badly needed as well as a few other features I knew I’d never need such as photo printing. It prints serviceable documents when it works, and if you can fight through the shitty software, it’s tolerable most days. Since I print quite infrequently, it’s hasn’t been the end of the world. But when I need to print, I need to print NOW.

But this expiring ink cartridge bullshit may be the thing that finally makes me go Office Space on it. See, in recent years they figured out how to embed a computer chip in the actual cartridge. Not only does it let the printer reject any non-HP cartridges, they’ve also put an “expiration” function in the cartridge, clearly aimed at preventing refilling. So now I’m stuck buying overpriced HP cartridges, even though I haven’t yet used up the ink that I PAID FOR WITH MY OWN MONEY.

I’m not sure when I’ll swap this printer out for something else, but when I do, I know it won’t have the letters “HP” on the front.

EDIT: I tried to hang in there with the old HP printer for quite awhile just to avoid shelling out the bucks for a new printer, but after again refusing to print black because it was out of blue ink, I screamed “FUCK!”, unplugged the piece of crap and set it aside. Here’s what I bought: 

So far it’s been excellent. It prints super fast. Starts up instantly without the half hour of clicking around like the HP garbage. I was a little worried because the ink cartridges look very small but it seems to barely sip ink. It’s been a few months and I’m still on the original ones. The scanning is very fast and the whole device is very quiet. It may have the same chipped ink cartridges as the HP since the industry seems to be heading that way, but we’ll see. I may post a full review once I’ve gone through my first batch of ink. If I do write up a full review, I’ll link to it here. 

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47 Thoughts on “Fuck You, HP!

  1. I totally agree – these new generation of ink printers are a nightmare to deal with. The old dot-matrix printers were more reliable!

    • Pretired Nick on May 21, 2013 at 5:42 am said:

      I don’t know if I can go back to dot-matrix, but I’ve about had it with this thing!

    • It almost makes sense to buy a new printer when the ink goes bad as you can buy a new one online for $30-50. The other option is to try to go paperless by using cloud based options, tablets, etc.
      Free Money Minute recently posted…Don’t Waste Your Life AwayMy Profile

      • Pretired Nick on May 22, 2013 at 8:44 am said:

        I know, but so much waste! I’m mostly paperless these days, but when you have to sign forms and send them back, there is not much you can do about it. Esigning is starting to become more prevalent, so hopefully in a few years we’ll be there.

  2. I had a newer Lexmark printer that made me crazy. I’m not a stupid person, but it would take me hours to get it to print just a few pages! And it needed new ink every few months even though we rarely printed anything. To make matters worse, each time you replaced the ink it made you replace black AND color. WE NEVER PRINTED IN COLOR~~~

    I sold it on craigslist and I no longer have a printed. I make my husband print anything we need at work. Isn’t that awful??
    Holly@ClubThrifty recently posted…The Perils of Working From HomeMy Profile

  3. Don’t know much about HP, but hate Mosanto right along with you, Nick. :-)

    • Pretired Nick on May 21, 2013 at 5:45 am said:

      I had a feeling you’d weigh in on that, Laurie! Yes, risking the extinction of the human race with its completely amoral and evil business practices does make a company worse than a greedy printer company. But I still hate HP!

  4. Feeling better now?

    You should check out Brother printers. I have no idea what the company is like, but the one that I own has been really good and I buy aftermarket ink cartridges through Amazon or Ebay for under 1$ per cartridge.
    Jacob @ Cash Cow Couple recently posted…What is Your Net Worth?My Profile

    • Pretired Nick on May 21, 2013 at 5:47 am said:

      OK, sold! I was hoping I’d get some good recommendations for a replacement.

    • Don’t go to brothers. I owned 3 of them and they crapped out because of the cheap printer heads. They are way worse than hp. Ive had my hp all in one for over a year, hardly ever used it. so today i printed 66 pages and next time i wanted to use it it popped up paper jam. Problem is there is no paper jam. Then it said general printer problem. Right now its in the rain and tomorrow its going to meet my 10 pound sledge. I guess if you print more than 3 things on them at one time they screw up. Not gonna bother buying another overseas made junk.

  5. I’m still wiping the tears from my eyes. I love this rant. We do have an HP printer that actually works, but we bought it on sale for the girls’ high school assignments. The funny thing is that we scan more than we print now. We were so happy this one worked that when we found them on sale again, we bought one for our new college freshman – not realizing that they submit papers via email now. Duh! I’m not sure she’s used it.

    I’m with Holly on the Lexmark. I hated having to replace both color and black and white. What a waste!

    Also, on the Brother, they make everything from printers to sewing machines…but I think they are best known for their printers. I have a Brother sewing machine and it was very well made except for one cheap part and wouldn’t you know it was that part that broke!
    Betsy Muse / CollegeMom recently posted…Best Gas Reward Credit CardsMy Profile

    • Pretired Nick on May 21, 2013 at 6:30 am said:

      I’m glad to hear not all HP printers are crap, Betsy! It sounds like Brother is the way to go for my next one.

  6. It’s crazy how crappy home printers are and how much money the cartridges cost. I’m not sure how the major companies get away with charging that much. Plus, it seems like the printer always break down exactly when you need it the most, painful.
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  7. I’ve always hated printers and ink. There are ALWAYS problems!
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  8. When I was in college, we threw a giant plasma tv out of the fourth story window. It was certainly the most satisfying destruction I’ve ever seen. Im just trying to plant an idea…
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  9. That was fucking hilarious! I totally feel you. A while back, I bought one of those piece of shit HP’s . . . not even the “good” ones, but the cheap piece of crap that costs like 30 bucks.

    Mother. Fucker.

    I bought it specifically so I could print up my resume for an interview the next day. Took me all goddamn night to finally get that shitty good-for-nothing piece of junk to print out one copy. I’d gone through a quarter stack of paper and a half bottle of Jack.

    Next day, I took a chance and tried to print out a second copy. Fuckin’ thing just broke down and died. I’d never been so pissed and happy at the same time. That was a year and a half ago. I got the job. Never got another printer.

    Cheers!
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    • Pretired Nick on May 21, 2013 at 6:09 pm said:

      Trevor, that story was EPIC! Glad that worked out OK. I’m hoping in a few more years I won’t need a printer at all, but every time I think I’m close, here comes another document I need to sign and mail back.

  10. Oh wow, I had no idea. What a shitty thing to do. I’m never buying another HP product again. Meg Whitman has been doing a fine job of running the company into the ground (doesn’t she do this with them all?), so maybe they won’t be around much longer. Good riddance!

    Did you catch this article: http://www.npr.org/2012/05/24/153634897/why-printer-ink-is-the-other-black-gold

    • Pretired Nick on May 21, 2013 at 6:18 pm said:

      Wow, that article was super interesting. Thanks for posting! Totally agree about Whitman. She is a walking disaster.

  11. Stupid ass printers. Nice rant Nick. I don’t like HP either. I actually have an Epson printer/scanner/fax machine that I have had for years. It works great, the printer ink is broken out by color, so I don’t have to buy a massive multi-color ink cartridge and they don’t have expiration dates.
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  12. Nick –

    With the printer you have, I believe the printhead is permanent, meaning it can’t be swapped out if damaged. The reason HP won’t allow you to use an “expired” cartridge is to protect the printhead from damage. Still total BS that should be able to be overridden, but just thought I’d share the technical details to ease your frustration. :)

    BTW – I believe most HP printers do not have a permanent printhead, and therefore don’t have this hard fault on expired cartridges.

    Also – still no excuse about the yellow being out. That’s gotta just be a design flaw.
    BNL recently posted…Bringing Home The BaconMy Profile

    • Pretired Nick on May 22, 2013 at 8:46 am said:

      Yeah, that’s what the error says. But funny how other brands and older printers don’t have this problem. Hmmm, maybe it’s more about forcing replenishment than protecting me from something. I think all these problems are all about forcing more cartridge purchases than anything else.

  13. Printer ink is the worst, and I fully agree with you on your thoughts towards HP – though for different reasons. I had an HP laptop that was still under warranty and the processor fried itself. I spoke to two different tech support (one online, one on phone) people who assured me that this was under warranty and they generated an entire case # and sent me a package to ship it. Thought everything was going good, but a few days after I shipped it and received it I got a call that the computer had been “purposely damaged” and that it was not his problem. When I received my laptop back, the box itself was damaged and the laptop looked physically beat up. I tried escalating but HP just dismissed my case and pretty much ignored me. I told myself that I would never buy another HP product again.

    When my parents needed a new printer at home, they went with Canon. When they needed a new laptop I kept a look out for deals and made sure they didn’t get an HP. For my newest computer, I built it myself. I fully plan on sticking to my word of never buying an HP product again.

    You also might find these article interesting on the most expensive liquids, it really is eye opening and crazy how expensive printer ink is- http://www.cbc.ca/news/background/consumers/liquid-expensive.html
    http://www.infographicpost.com/most-expensive-liquids-printer-ink-wins/2012/04/26
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    • Pretired Nick on May 23, 2013 at 12:17 pm said:

      Wow, that is ridiculous! Glad to hear you’re already done with HP, though. Thanks for sharing those links. I hope they get a comeuppance on this gouging someday!

  14. I would check out Brother. Heard very good things about the brand.

    I don’t have a printer. I rarely print documents, and when I do I print them at work.
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  15. Having been an IT/computer geek for a long time, laser is the way to go – more expensive up front, but the cartridges last a year (or more), and are only as expensive as the cheap inkjet ones. I had an old HP 4L that was about 10 years old. It was still working when I finally got rid of it – because none of the computers I had would support a printer port to USB adapter (yes, printer port, not parallel port).

    That being said, I have an HP 6500n which is a piece of crap. The network connection drops more than it works, and the automatic document feeder for the scanner (one reason I bought the dang thing) doesn’t work with macs. because I print so rarely, I’ve limped along with it. I just refilled the ink cartridges myself (with a $15 kit from Amazon), and plan on refilling them until I’m out of the refill ink – then buy a smaller printer. My mom has had a canon mp620 for 5 years, and it works like a dream.
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  16. der.peter@hotmail.com on June 26, 2013 at 9:52 am said:

    totally agree – HP produces the last sh* since 2010!

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  18. What you need my friend if just good ol black and white copies are what you want is a good serviceable EARLY model LaserJet Printer.

    They can be had anywhere from FREE to $50 or so and with a little looking one can find very good toner cartridges for $20-25 del. that will do from 2500-3500 copies and typically don’t go bad any time soon. The quality of the end product is way better to boot.

    My personal all time favorite is the HP LaserJet 4L. Trying to get my hands on a couple extras right now.

    For a good read on this subject I suggest the following two articles, the first especially for the preamble that pretty much tells it like it is… or WAS!

    http://tubesound.com/2009/05/28/repairing-hp-officejet-r-series/

    http://tubesound.com/2010/04/29/hp-laserjet-4l-4p-refurb-and-repair/

    Do a search for reviews of ones you think might suit your purposes then go on eBay or craigslist and find some. Even if you have to pay what a new Stink Junk printer costs it’ll save ya in the long run.

    Then be sure and read this well written article on how to keep ‘um going…

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/richpub/syltguides/fullview/R1MTZI5DZ9PD42/ref=cm_sylt_byauthor_title_full_8

    Oh yeah, in response to the USB connectivity issues there are plenty of adapter solutions out there these days. And FWIW everyone oughta have at least one good ol ‘puter with real ports and floppy drives, ya never know when they’ll come in handy for retrieving gawd knows what and if networked will support your real printer to serve all your new highfaluting stuff too.

    QED my friends!

    db ‘you’ll be glad you did’ cooper

    PS: Screw the Seahawks! But I’ll check anything once!

  19. We have a Hp 7500 all in one and it’s crap. Paper jams at the printer and paper jams at the document feed. We need to reboot just to make a copy!

  20. I’m swearing off EVER buying HP printers again. I’m sick and tired of getting only a few dozen pages of regular print before ‘ink low’ or some other crap message come up.

  21. Hewlett Fucktard on May 23, 2014 at 6:53 pm said:

    HP sucks out loud. Expiring ink. Not printing in black even when you print using only the black cartridge. Some cartridges that last about a week, others where you have spares for years. That then expire.

    HP sucks.

    HP sucks.

    HP sucks.

  22. My take on HP on July 20, 2014 at 12:42 am said:

    I don’t hate on printers, but HP printer software is awful. Wanna print double-side? You have to manually set it to print odd pages then even pages. Wanna print 6 power point slides on a page? Tough luck because horizontal lines will go missing due to crappy sampling resolution. Their ink don’t last long either, and you can’t install external ink tanks. Should’ve bought a Canon.

  23. Alexander on October 4, 2014 at 11:54 pm said:

    I agred HP printers do not last, they are junk and very frustrating. I should have bought the Epson. or Canon. HP is not worth it.

  24. John H on October 20, 2014 at 3:13 pm said:

    My Epsom All-in-one was a joy for about four years but my high school kids did her in. Most recently, my Canon Pixma 3620 has been good with light use for about two years… (he said tempting fate)…and one black ink refill.

    Thanks for the headsup with your HP experience.

  25. Wes Morgan on January 24, 2015 at 6:27 am said:

    HP envy 120

    We bought this printer for my wife since it was wireless, she used it maybe 25 times in a 12 month period only to print. The first time we tried the scan feature it wouldn’t work.

    I called HP and the printer is 24 days out of warranty so they will not replace it. But they will allow me to upgrade for a discounted price.

    Answer me this… WHY would I upgrade when the product I bought cost me over $300.00 dollars, and is still basically new, with only 25 pages printed out on it. So I upgrade from a piece of junk to another piece of junk so I can experince the same thing again.

    I am DONE with HP, I have had several of their products over the years but it seems like the quality is getting lower, the price is the same or higher and the “CUSTOMER SERVICE” is SUB-PAR!!!

    NO MORE HP FOR ME!!!!

    • I could not agree more! HP is junk and should be thrown out the window. Even this is not safe as the product may have hit someone and a law suit will follow after that.

      Don’t ever buy HP products – they are crap. More importantly, HP lied. Don’t trust a word Meg Whitman says.

  26. JimA on June 23, 2015 at 6:24 pm said:

    Buy an HP 4250 Mono Laser Printer. Inkjet printers are nothing but a continuous pain in the ass. The last good one was the Canon 4000. Cheap carts, easy to refill, but even these went through heads. By a Laser. I have owned a Dell 3110cn Color Laser for 15 years, and I have refilled the toner carts twice. Good Machine. A business HP Mono Laser is hard to beat though. I had a 4050, now I won a 4250 these are good. Ink Jet printers are a scam. 30 to 50 bucks for an ounce of ink. HP supports their entire company with ink cart sales. RIP OFF

  27. Nola Nowland on July 10, 2015 at 10:28 pm said:

    You are SO right about HP printers. I’ve been stupidly buying them for years (for reasons which seemed good at the time I,e they possessed particular features I wanted) but I am totally done after experience with the Photosmart5720. I could have supported a third world country’s budget deficit with what it costs me in printer cartridges. Totally outrageous. But what a clunky, whirring, slow, temperamental piece of c..p, it is – and that’s on a good day. They deserve to go broke.

  28. I quit using inkjet printers because laser printers are inexpensive and the cartridges are also inexpensive.

    On the subject of hp printers — I installed a new hp multi-function printer in one of my client’s offices. I attempted to get it to print and scan from an Intel Mac. I finally got it to print, but the scan and fax never worked. HP’s print-driver software is just crap.

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